500 things they never tell you...The pregnancy chronicles

#41 Morning sickness on the side of the road can be mistaken for drunk in public by your local police authorities. This really happened to me! TWICE!

#42 There is no record of a 40lb baby...you just ate too many doughnuts during your 3rd trimester.

#43 You really have no idea how many people are going to see your vagina. The amazing part is, you could care less.

#44 You can be pregnant in your ass.

#45 You will pee all over yourself for the rest of your life after you have a baby.

#46 Throw away your underwear. That stain ain't coming out!

#47 When they tell you to push...a baby ain't the only thing that might come out.

#48 Hemorrhoids are for real, go ahead and buy the tucks!

#49 Your pregnant belly is a hand magnet.

#50 Rarely does your "water break" like it does on T.V.

#51 Sex is almost impossible. However, you are probably more horny than you have ever been in your life.

#52 You can't shave what you can't see.

#53 You leave the hospital with a baby and you still look pregnant.

#54 "Compliments" like.."wow your really starting to show". "Wow, your really big"
"Your ready to pop, must be due any day" In reality you are not due for another 8-12 weeks. I lied to strangers and said I was due any minute at 6 months along.

#55 After delivery your feet are bigger and they stay that way FOREVER!

#56 During pregnancy, words like 'mucas plug' and 'episiotomy' are acceptable dinner table topics.

#57 You will say or at least think horrible things about your husband during labor.

#58 You will want to bitch-slap the next person who asks you when you are due.

#59 Everyone has an opinion on what you should or should not do while you are pregnant.

#60 Stretch marks are NOT badges of honor. Oh yeah, they don't "fade" either!