500 things they never tell you about being a Mom...The Holiday Chronicles

In an effort to hold up my end of the bargain in my mission to complete the "500 things they never tell you about being a Mother, I give you "The Holiday Chronicles." I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.



#61 Black Friday is very, very important.

#62 Shopping with your kids for their gift is only allowed until the kid is able to rat you out for eating an entire pound of fudge while you shopped.

#63 You will stand in line to purchase a cheap, Chinese-made animal that has a "code" for a mind-numbing online game. You may even wrestle one out of an elderly ladies hands in a Christmas Eve fit of desperation.

#64 If you are lucky enough to have a Christmas baby, be prepared for 15 hideous, green or red, "My first Christmas outfits."

#66 You will receive 15 hideous, green or red, "My first Christmas outfits" if your baby is born any other month than December.

#67 Pointsettas are poisonous. Donate them to your local cemetery. FYI...they are also poisonous for pets as well.

#68 You don't have to buy everything on the list. If your kid is a brat...maybe you shouldn't buy any of it.

#69 Teaching your children to give is the best gift you can offer.

#70 Stringing popcorn isn't as much fun as they make it look on "Little House on the Prarie."

#71 Babies don't care about Christmas. In fact most kids could care less until 3. So don't stress about having a perfect holiday.

#72 People will give your kids a ton of candy behind your back.

#73 It is physically impossible for a kid under 3 to not touch the Christmas tree.

#74 Christmas cookies are fun to make with your kids, but don't expect them to look like the ones Martha made on her show last week. You will be lucky if they are edible.

#75 Remember that joy you felt as a child when celebrating Christmas? It is nowhere near the joy you will feel when you watch your children experience it for the 1st time.